I’ve Been Thinking

Posted under Family News by Vicki

A friend of mine did a post on her blog, Where The Sun Always Shines…
, last night that got me to thinking. If you pop over and read her entry you can see that she’s had a rough road lately, and that’s what really got me to thinking.

Now I’ve never been able to write the thought provoking posts like she has, but her post got me to thinking about my own relationship with my Mother. For those of you that don’t know, I classify my biological mother as Mother, or real Mom, because I have been blessed to have another that I call Mom. One who accepts me for who I am, and loves me no matter what. But this post, it is about my biological Mother.

I never felt that I was good enough in her eyes. I grew up hearing “I wish you were more like your sister”. My Mother and I never “meshed”…I never felt like she was interested in me, my thoughts, or my wants. Everything always seemed to be about herself, or my sister….Everything I ever wanted seemed just out of reach.

I remember when I became pregnant with Des that I was relieved that my real Mom had already passed away, because I was so happy to be having a baby, and I knew that had she been alive she would have hounded me with how much I had disappointed her, and how much I had sinned, and what a horrible person I was, because I wasn’t married. I figure if we were still on speaking terms after that, when I became pregnant with Meg that would have gotten me disowned by her….

You may think I’m being harsh, but you didn’t know my Mother, or anything about our relationship. It amazes me when people think they knew that person so much better than you, and it was you that lived with that person, grew up with that person….

Anyway, I will say as many times as anyone cares to hear, that I have NEVER been sorry that I had Des and Meg, and it has never made any difference to me that I was not married to the father. They are the light of my life, they are the reason that I live….

My Mother was quick to point out flaws and faults in other people, but never seemed to admit that she had her own flaws and faults…I could go on and on about my Mother, and our problems, but I feel that I’ve gotten off track in this entry….So I’ll sign off.